


Talking Deer, Flying Elephants and Other Ways to Spend a Morning

by Purrdence



Series: Infinite Coffee & Disney Films [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bambi - Freeform, Disney Movies, Dumbo - Freeform, Gen, Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail, it's a fanfic of a fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-15 16:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12325053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purrdence/pseuds/Purrdence
Summary: When Stark finds out that you started on the Disney films without him*, he's not going to let you hear the end of it...( *in 'Wizard Mice, Wooden Boys and Other Ways to Spend an Afternoon')





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Long Road Begins at Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339822) by [owlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlet/pseuds/owlet). 



> Hey, it's a second story! Who would have thunk it? 
> 
> Again, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Owlet and the Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series. I owe Owlet *a lot*.
> 
> Beta-credits to Owlet & Gemfyre.

“I can’t believe you started the Disney movies without me!” Stark sits at the kitchen island in the common room, can of energy drink in hand and glaring at everyone like they’d just kicked his puppy.

Barnes has a horrible feeling for a moment.

We didn’t

JUST HIS PARENTS

I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be reassuring.

“I didn’t see anything in the Tower rules about not being able to have movie nights without you,” Romanoff says, hands on hips as she watches the toaster intently.

“It was more of a movie _day_ ,” Barton butts in, far too chipper for Barnes’s liking before he’s finished his coffee.

“Day, night, what matters is I wasn’t _there_ ,” Stark whines. He’s aiming for Six Year Old Tony, or maybe he’s playing catch-up because he was building cars or something ridiculous when he really was six.

The toaster giving a warning ping distracts Barnes from Stark’s self-pity party. He mentally thanks Building JARVIS for coming up with that idea.

MISSON ASSIST

Sure is. No one who doesn’t already know needs to see how fast Barnes can pull a knife out at this time of the morning.

As four slices of toast pop up of the toaster, Romanoff slides forward, putting herself between the toaster and the rest of the kitchen. Still part of the same fluid movement, she grabs an empty plate with one hand and starts flipping hot slices of toasted bread onto it with her other hand. As she reaches for the last slice, Barton leaps over the kitchen island like he’s in the Olympics, snatching the toast from its slot in the appliance.

He grins as he skips out of Romanoff’s reach. From the lack of punching Barton in the face, Barnes has a sneaking suspicion that Romanoff had anticipated Barton’s thievery.

Still wearing his shit-eating grin, Barton gets the tub of butter out of the refrigerator. Arching an eyebrow at Romanoff, he scoops out a pat of butter with a butter knife.

Romanoff matches eyebrow for eyebrow. Before anyone else reacts, three pats of butter sail across the kitchen.

Anyone else, bar maybe Barnes and Rogers, would not have caught the butter in the middle of each piece of toast. They also wouldn’t be smugly spreading it over the bread, like this was not anything usual.

But Romanoff isn’t just anyone.

Barton throws his hands up in victory. “And yet again, the amazing Hawkeye always finds his mark!”

Two deadly eyebrows rise in his direction. He hastily adds: “And he couldn’t have done it without his beautiful - ”

Romanoff glares at him.

“- and scarily competent partner, the Black Widow!”

When Stark snorts into his energy drink, a fourth pat of butter sails across the room. It splats right on his cheek, by his nose and slides down into his beard. Barnes chokes a little on his coffee as he laughs, but recovers quickly.

“You missed the bread!” Stark splutters, scrambling for a paper towel.

Romanoff looks at Stark, then over at Barton, who is still holding the butter knife. “No, I don’t think he did.”

Stark glares at Barnes as Barnes pours a second mug of coffee for himself and Rogers’s first one. “You couldn’t have done something with all that creepy training of yours?”

Could have?

Yes

Could have been _bothered_

AGREED

Snarky today, are we?

Stark reaches epic levels of glares when Barnes shrugs and shuffles over to give Rogers his drink. Barnes isn’t sure what language the incoherent babble that shoots out of Stark’s mouth is, but it’s not any language he’s been programmed with.

Potts pulls Stark away from the kitchen, taking away the can and replacing it with an oversized mug of freshly brewed coffee. Whether or not that’s cutting back the amount of caffeine entering Stark’s body is debatable, but Barnes has firsthand experience of the soothing properties of holding a warm ceramic mug in one’s hands. And Stark has _two_ flesh hands, so he gets twice the comfort.

Apparently Potts knows too, because while Stark is hunched over his mug and muttering to himself, he’s at least back to muttering in Standard American English.

Barton and Romanoff sit huddled together at a corner of the dining table. While Romanoff can contain herself, Barton cannot, radiating smug gleefulness. As Barnes passes by them, heading to his armchair by the wall, Barton holds up a hand, palm out and vertical, in his direction. It takes a moment to remember this is a ‘high five’. He slaps Barton’s hand gently with his free hand – the metal one, because he’s pretty sure high fives are not supposed to injure the other person.

Over the next few minutes, Banner and Rhodes (does anyone ever tell Barnes when he’s coming to the Tower?) hurry into the common area, looking around in confusion at all the people calmly eating breakfast and drinking hot drinks.

“You said there was an emergency,” Rhodes growls at Stark.

Banner nods sternly in agreement. “That’s the same text I got.”

Rhodes waves a hand in the direction of nothing much happening. “I don’t see much of an emergency.”

“The other kids were being mean to Tony.” Although Potts' face is perfectly still, the eyeroll is loud her in tone of voice.

“Uh-huh.” Rhodes has known Stark for many years now. From the expression on his face, this is not the first time Stark has pulled a stunt like this.

When Stark threatens to launch into a dramatic recount of events, Banner holds up a finger, pausing Stark before he can begin. “I will listen, but not until you give us a chance to get a hot drink into us. I am not doing this without a chai in my hand. A very large one.”

“Superb idea, Bruce,” Rhodes agrees. Rhodes takes his coffee without any sugar or dairy additions. Banner makes himself the promised Chai latte in a mug that would fit Hulk Green Thing’s hand comfortably. Barnes smells the cinnamon from all the way over on his armchair. Katie at the Coffee bar has made them for him before; it was rather tasty.

Drinks in hand, Banner and Rhodes take Tony out onto the patio area and listen to Tony’s version of events.

Really, Stark? It was a small pat of butter, not the whole fucking stick.

On the other hand, he’s probably giving Barton _ideas_. That is, if Barton can hear the conversation from where he’s sitting.

Or if Barton knows someone who knows someone who can hear everything from that far away

Someone who is pretending to read his book, but really trying to listen in on the conversation going on outside. Almost feels like the pre-Contact days when he listened in on Rogers and Flying Sam.

NEEDS MORE COFFEE

“You know, Tony,” Rhodes says sagely over his mug of coffee. “If you want to watch Disney movies with everybody, you just need to _ask_.”

Stark must have pulled a face, because Banner adds, gently but firmly. “Ask not demand. Or ordering. People will be much more receptive if you ask nicely.”

It’s true. The only person that gets away with ordering people around here is Hill.

INCORRECT

Huh

POTTS

Well, yeah, but she still tends to request than order. Unless she’s dealing with Stark. She could ask someone to bring her the moon and people would do it.

Barnes actually ends up finishing a chapter in the hairy feet guys (Rogers could sure use that magic ring – the bad guys would literally never see him coming with that thing on and it would probably mean less injuries on Roger’s part) before Stark starts acting somewhere around his actual chronological age.

Stark finds a spot in the common area where everyone present can see him, and then he clears his throat loudly to get everyone’s attention. Barton looks like he’s about to say something snarky in response, but Romanoff’s sharp elbow to his side shuts him up.

“So while you all started the Disneython without me,” Stark begins, before he catches the twin sets of Eyebrows of Disapproval from Banner and Rhodes (‘Don’t fuck this up, Stark’) and he chooses he next words more carefully. “I am informed you only got through like the first three movies. If you haven’t already made plans today, what do you say to working through some more of the list?”

Rhodes and Banner beam at Stark, like he’s their student who just won the spelling bee.

Note to self: google ‘spelling bee’.

Everyone looks at each other, nodding thoughtfully. Barnes _would_ like to get on with watching the _Dumbo_ movie; and he did rather enjoy the films they watched last time, even if they did bring up Strong Emotions in himself and Rogers.

They actually rewatched _Fantasia_ a few days after they watched it with the No-Touch Hair Club (and Barton), just him and Rogers, in order to see the little details the missed the first time around due to Emotions.

Barnes may have also found a sketch in Rogers’ sketchbook, of the Bucky-person as a centaur, done in the style of that scene in the movie. He’s still not sure what to make of it. Rogers drew Centaur Rogers too, but pre-serum Rogers, skinny and delicate, with a horse’s body to match. Maybe if Barnes asks at the right time, Rogers will do a sketch of them as they are now, but as centaurs. It would be interesting to see the differences.

“I don’t have anything planned today that can’t be put off until later.” Rogers looks over to him. “Bucky?”

Barnes shrugs. “I’d like to watch animations about elephants.”

Seeing that he and Rogers are in seems to help the others decide. Stark claps his hands together in glee. “So that settles it!”

Barnes remembers one thing that made the last gathering enjoyable. “No commentary from you.”

Stark looks at him weird. “Huh?”

“I want to watch it without you yammering over the top of it.”

Stark enters Petulant Child Mode again. “I don’t talk over the top of movies!”

“Yeah, you kinda do,” Banner says with a grimace. Potts nods, backing Banner up.

“Thanks for pointing out the elephant in the room, Barnes,” Barton calls out.

I would think I would have noticed a large animal coming into the room 

_oh_

METAPHOR

You don’t say

“Fine, fine, Stark grouses. “But I get first dibs on the popcorn.”

If Stark keeps his mouth shut, he can have _all _the popcorn. It’s a small sacrifice to make for harmony.__


	2. Chapter 2

After the delivery of 23 flavours of popcorn from a place in Queens, everyone gathers in front of the entertainment system in the common area. Since today includes the Iron Bros, the Carp Crusaders, and – after someone sends a text to Hill – all members for No-Touch _and_ Hair Club, all the comfortable chairs in the immediate area are commandeered for viewing purposes. Barnes drags his reading chair over, because fucked if he’s going to let anyone else sit on _his_ chair. 

He surprises himself at the intensity of feelings when faced with the thought of someone sitting on his chair. He even imagines himself sitting there, hissing at anyone (STARK) who comes near, like a grumpy feline. 

Maybe he should start a club for just him and Cat Eleanor. They could have t-shirts. Barnes stuffs the back of his hand into his mouth when he imagines a) the tiny t-shirt he would have to put on Cat Eleanor, and b) the ‘I will disembowel you in your sleep’ death glare she will give him.

WORTH IT

_Dumbo_ is, as Barnes found out when googling shortly after watching _Fantasia_ , not about Brooklyn. In fact, that part of Brooklyn wouldn’t be called DUMBO for nearly 40 years after the movie was made. Barnes also read that many people thought a movie just with animation set to music and not much else was a bit too weird for their tastes and not enough of them bought tickets to see it, so the company didn’t really recoup the costs of making the damn thing. He might not know too much about business, but even Barnes knows this is not a good thing if a company wants to stay in business. So when it came to make their next feature they had to make something that wouldn’t cost and arm and a leg to make, and would actually put rears on paying seats. Hence, flying elephants.

Boy, those are some big ears.

Barnes sneaks a glance at Rogers. His ears are still kinda big now, but they’re not as noticeable when the rest of his face is in proportion. Barnes has seen some of the photographs from when Rogers was small. Something the Briefing can’t quite put its finger on tells Barnes that even now, if someone’s going to call Rogers ‘Dumbo’, they’re asking for as ass kicking.

It’ll probably be Stark. Maaaaybe Barton, but only if he’s concussed first.

Not long into the movie, a bunch of hooligan boys torment the baby elephant with the big ears and Mama Elephant gives them a well deserved spanking. Rogers’ shoulders stiffen in response. At first Barnes thinks it might be an unpleasant download, before realising that this is the posture Rogers gets just before combat. Just to be sure, Barnes touches Rogers on the shoulder gently. 

Rogers waves him off. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just… bullies, you know?”

Fine my ass. Fine would mean Rogers’ shoulders relaxing and not anticipating beating the ever loving snot out of elephant abusers. Then he notices that some of the others, who have obviously seen this movie before, are tensing up too.

What.

Mama Elephant, who was clearly protecting her baby from human scum shitbags, is locked up, with the implication that a more permanent solution is coming at the end of the season’s tour. Barnes gets up and gets himself a glass of water to work out some of his internal outrage at this.

What kind of twisted fuck approved this story?

Tormented and rejected by the other elephants, the little elephant runs into a talking mouse. A talking mouse who befriends him, despite everything weird about him, and sticks up for him… Barnes jumps about 0.15 meters out of his chair when Rogers gives him a friendly punch in the shoulder, grinning at Barnes and using his eyebrows to point at the pair on the screen. 

Barnes glares at the screen. The Mission Imperative all but snickers loudly.

Wait… I’m the mouse?

There better not be any anthropomorphic drawings of Mouse Barnes in the future.

From the grin on Rogers’s mug, there will be. Fuck.

If Rogers is going to insist on drawing him as that goddamn mouse, there better be a star spangled elephant to go with it. 

Why stop there, I’m sure at least one of the cackling crows that help them out needs a bowler hat with Corporal’s stripes on it.

It feels like this story is not unfamiliar to Barnes, and not just because the Bucky-person and Rogers saw the movie back in the day. Mouse is the only one that believes in Big Ears Elephant when everyone else treats him as a joke, when no-one else will take him seriously because of the way he looks. That is, until one day when something happens to Big Ears that makes the world see how special he really is. 

What the fuck is in that booze Mouse and Big Ears is drinking? Should baby elephants even be drinking booze? 

Or for that matter, what were they smoking when they came up with this movie?

Magical feathers. Pfffffffft.

“We should get one of those for Wilson,” Hill pipes up, waving a hand at the crow’s butt feather being clutched for dear life in Big Ear’s trunk.

“Would he get the reference?” asks Rogers. “This is a pretty old movie.”

“He probably would, I think the only American kids that wouldn’t have seen this film growing up are Amish or something,” Banner points out. “Especially once everyone got Home Video back in the 1980s.”

Hill pauses the film, freezing the elephant in mid glide. “Who saw this as a kid?”

Everyone’s hands go up, everyone except for Romanoff, Barton, Rogers, and (after looking at Rogers to confirm) -

CONFIRM

\- Barnes.

“We saw it at the cinema.” Rogers indicates himself and Barnes. “But we weren’t kids.”

Barton shrugs. “We didn’t have a TV most of the time when I was a kid. My dad kept pawning it. And circus movies weren’t big in the circus I was in.”

Everyone looks at Romanoff.

Romanoff looks back at everyone. “This is the first time I’m seeing it.”

Stark looks like he wants to say something, but is actively trying to keep his mouth shut. He may actually be in physical discomfort doing so, but he’s sticking to what he agreed to do.

“Just say it, Stark.” Barnes tries just as hard not to roll his eyes out of his head.

Stark lets out a loud, relieved sigh. “Gods, thank you. So, yeah, Sam would have seen this. They probably use this as a training video in the Air Force.”

“Tony! We do _not_.” Rhodes throws popcorn at Stark. It smells like cheese.

Interesting.

“I’ll have you know we use _Top Gun_ , thank you very much.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Barnes sees Rogers surreptitiously get his little notebook out and write ‘Top Gun’ in it. Banner, who is sitting next to Rogers, says something quietly to Rogers. In response, Rogers hands over the notebook and Banner writes something underneath. Barnes isn’t quick enough to see all of what was written before the book is shut, but he does see that the last words ends in ‘one’.

Once Stark, Rhodes, and Barton finish their popcorn fight (Potts threatens to confiscate all the popcorn for the next week), the movie continues. The flying elephant does indeed fly, when given the chance to show he’s more than what everyone thinks he is. Assholes finally get a large serving of _schadenfreude_. 

Thank Marx, Mama Elephant is freed and survives the movie. Barnes was worried there for a moment. There better not be more films by this company that treat mothers this way.


End file.
